I was going to sleep without recording tonight, but the more I feel this way, the more I should just vent it out. It's like reflecting: when your thoughts are really chaotic, the best way is to take a blank piece of paper and write down what you feel, what you're thinking. You turn the chaos in your head into something concrete. When you get it out, it reduces the mess, it becomes structured, and it's like you've vented those thoughts. You take them out and put them here instead, and your brain feels lighter, like you've moved the load. This is another way to speak your feelings. (laughs)
Right now, my mind is a mess. I read a quote today that said we never get used to loss, no matter how often we experience it. I used to wonder if people would become stronger if they experienced loss or disappointment often. But that's not really true. It's still sad, still a downward spiral. Maybe our senses even become more sensitive to feelings, making us sad just as much. On the other hand, it takes very little time to reset. People who experience a lot, their emotional and hormonal senses reset very quickly. Simply put, they move on faster, I guess. But it also depends on the attachment and other things.
What was there to talk about today? Oh, I have to mention yesterday. I said we had a board game night planned with friends today, but P'Earn, Sky's girlfriend, was sick yesterday and got worse today. I'm not sure how bad, but we ended up canceling the plans. So, I had dinner with my family instead. My brother recommended the restaurant and took us there; it was good. I'll skip the details, I didn't have much to say at first, but (laughs) it really does feel better now. My head feels much clearer after talking and venting. Wow, it's really fitting for my own platform. (laughs)
I was just listening to that song earlier. There's a lot going on lately. Work is starting to pile up, family businesses, and the hostel is getting close to opening — both the hostel and the bungalows. It's almost peak season, so there will be a lot more work. I hope everything goes well. So many things in life, a hundred days, a thousand stories. It's amazing. (laughs) I'm starting to understand what my mom used to say. I remember when I was studying, I would sometimes vent to her, and mostly it was just about one thing: stress about love. I remember she said, "You're lucky, you only have one thing to worry about. When you grow up, you'll know."She wasn't being critical, just talking like a friend. And it's true, after that, I had so many things to think about: myself, my life, work, future. With my current injury, I can't think too far ahead, and it's stressful because it's chronic and not healing. (sighs)
But today was good. At least I got to talk to friends — my close friend Pon, and Non too. We talked on Discord and played games for a while, but we didn't deep talk much. I miss how it used to be. Whenever something happened, I'd talk to this group of friends on Discord. Even though they're friends I met on Discord, we're very close. (laughs) I guess this is the only group of friends I have now. Friends from Discord, of all places.
I feel much, much better now. I'll probably listen to music or a podcast as usual. Just another story that happened and is remembered. What story? (laughs) Only I would know the answer, right? When I read this back, I'll know. I'd say it can be pieced together. (laughs) But if someone just passing by reads it, they'd probably be confused, wondering what this is about.
I actually thought about whether this website should be public or private. (laughs) I don't know why I decided to make it public, even though it's about feelings, reflections, personal stuff. It is personal. Even though I made a feature to private individual entries, most of them are public. I don't know why. Sometimes when I talk, it's like I'm talking to a friend. (laughs) I don't know if anyone reads it. But it's like someone is listening, someone who doesn't judge. Listens without judging, and... I don't know. (laughs) I just keep talking, and I let myself keep talking. (laughs) (sighs)
This Aloud website is great. See you tomorrow. Oh, I'll probably go to the gym, I've rested for two days now. I think I'll do cardio first. An update on my hand: it's getting back to almost normal now, better than before that last physical therapy. I think it's almost as good as it was, but there's still a slight heaviness. (sighs) I didn't have much focus for Japanese today, but I still reviewed it as usual. I just felt like I had to concentrate and really try to control myself. (laughs) This will be a very long entry. (sighs) See you, bye.